Welcome to Live Video #3!
(If you’re not a video fan, there’s plenty to read/skim below)
Today I tried something different. You may have questions1 about what I’m creating here, and you deserve answers. A live stream seemed like a good way to tackle that.
I thought I could answer 30 questions in 30 minutes… not quite. ;p
Text is what we do here, and it’s easier to skim than a video, so I include the notes I took before the live session, cleaned up to be readable.
I went into more detail with my answers on the stream, so if you find a question that interests you and want my full answer, it’s in the video.
All the questions are in same order on the video, so if you look for a specific number it should be fairly easy to find.
If you like this format and want to see it again from time to time, please let me know with a comment, a “like,” or replying to this email.
If you don’t like this format, please consider telling me the same.
I welcome all feedback here. 8^)
Project Plans
How many chapters per month can we expect to see?
I’m not sure yet. Two chapters per month seems most likely.
This is a big project. The only necessity is sustainability
I need to deviate and stay flexible to solidify a few theories, clarify the lexicon, and fill in some gaps.
I still need to decide if I will go in-order, re-write old chapters first, or start by writing new chapters.
When/what will be first in print?
A big book may be a bit much for my first attempt at publishing.
I may focus on a more compact, useful, and approachable first paper publication
With the whole picture visible, I can work on understanding and clarifying how everything fits together. That should lead to better answers to this question.
For New Readers
1. What exactly happened during your time in the military that led to these mental health struggles?
19 Deployments: Time away from family impacted everything - dishes, how we support each other, you name it.
All four of us are fiercely independent
After retirement, the sudden shift of my carefully built support system from necessary to adversary was unexpected and complicated.
2. Why did the solitude retreat fail to help you relax?
I couldn't clear my mind
I couldn't “see the horizon”
When I did see it in front of me, it was brown - not blue
3. What is Substack, and how did it help you in your recovery?
A safe space… which seems odd, since it’s public
The ability to place my thoughts somewhere helped me organize them
Readers give purpose and accountability
4. When will the full book be finished?
I’m not sure. Only requirement is a sustainable pace - don't expect the overall scope to change much
First plan was Christmas '26
Likely experiment with a smaller and digital versions before full book
5. What are some specific tools or techniques you used to stop the downward spiral?
Recognizing I was in a spiral, it was bad, and it was my responsibility to figure it out (admit?)
Notes, Cautions, Warnings (slow down and prioritize) || Dandelions, Big Rocks, Glass Balls
Discovered empathy as the motivation for connection (Empathy Tank system is broken without it)
6. How has your family been affected by your struggles?
Learned to live with me generally not around, even though I'm here. Actually, not much of a change in many ways.
Watched me start missing expectations
Expended all of their empathy and compassion on me ... maybe running out of sympathy. ;p
7. Why did you choose writing as a way to heal?
To focus my thoughts
To regain discipline
Because it's a surprisingly comfortable way to express myself
8. What does the "Empathy Tank" mean in simple terms?
Empathy is a finite resource - not because we only have so much, but because it's part of a system that occasionally breaks down
When we notice problems with our empathy tank, we can examine the system to fix the glitch
Inputs, Outputs, and Leaks are main components to check
Connection with others is a vital feedback loop
9. Are there any success stories from others who read your Substack?
"Success??" Not that I know of. I have received feedback from a few readers indicating my words sparked new thought or helped make valuable connections.
I would love to share stories of "success" somehow derived from my work here
Please send me any feedback, any time.
10. How can I access the rest of your Substack archive?
This is my Substack homepage: https://jofty.substack.com
I suggest you start with the Prologue, Introduction, or Table of Contents.
They set the table and illustrate the scope of my work. They also include many links to show you around.
I use the app every day, primarily as a consumer. The app is also a convenient way to watch live streams. :)
For “particularly curious and somewhat intellectual" Readers
11. How does the Theory of Positive Disintegration (TPD) align with your personal breakdown and recovery?
Predicated on overexcitabilities - a personal lifelong struggle
Involves a complete rebuilding of personality - yeah, that's in progress
Likely need to write this chapter sooner rather than later
12. In what ways did Stoicism influence your approach to empathy and connection?
Helped me learn to pause - “adversity is the way,” not something to loathe or fear.
Once I could pause, helped me stay “in the pause” and make more rational and thoughtful decisions
Acting more thoughtfully was typically more empathetic, which then built connection and reinforced the empathy tank system.
13. What neurodivergent traits did you discover you were masking, and how did unmasking affect your worldview?
Primarily ADHD - mostly through necessity at work and for daily survival
Perhaps most significant: -- overexcitabilities -- and nuances with "projecting" that level of excitement to others
Beyond that, I'm still sorting out the lexicon.
"Unmasking" is helping me understand a lot of past confusion - especially with interpersonal relationships, primarily the endings of many of them
Perhaps this question illustrates why I need to write this chapter and clarify the lexicon here. :)
14. How do personal biases intersect with PTSD and burnout in your model of the Empathy Tank?
Biases can lead to being blunt and judgmental = not empathetic
Also can lead to being rather unapproachable.
Combined with anxiety and drive for solitude from PTSD and burnout, being unapproachable makes it difficult to receive support from others
15. What role did existential crises play in re-examining "kindergarten level stuff" like the Golden Rule?
Kindergarten is where we learn to control our emotions and play nice with others.
I forgot how to do that.
This existential crisis forced me to re-examine and re-learn basic things ... but with much more wisdom this time.
16. Can you elaborate on the interplay between nature, nurture, and purpose as inputs to the Empathy Tank?
There will likely be an individual chapter on Inputs
We should seek to understand how nature and nurture impact our "starting line"
Having a "purpose" allows more mental and emotional energy to pour into the empathy tank (less focus on self / clearing the fog)
17. How does your experience challenge or support existing literature on veteran transitions and mental health?
Excellent question. This may get a good review in the 1 / 10 / 21 chapter on Veteran specific challenges.
Many of my struggles after leaving the service are apparently common and well studied, but also still poorly understood.
I don't know how common my particularly difficult struggles are, but bullets aren't the only things that cause PTSD.
18. What curiosities in [the] chaos led you to differentiate sympathy, compassion, and empathy so distinctly?
When this came up, I realized I never gave the nuance of the three much thought
"I don't need your sympathy" vs "I don't need your empathy" makes a distinction clear.
After seeing a clear illustration of all three, I realized empathy was something I needed to rekindle and improve. (and apparently write a book about)
19. In what ways has
's work on neurocomplexity shaped your narrative?Her work has given me tools to unravel the chaos in my head - lexicon, framework, and the sense that I'm not alone.
Lexicon: Neurodiversity is complicated, nuanced, and a subject I knew almost nothing about a few short months ago. Words matter.
Framework: I've been dealing with ADHD my entire life, but learning to understand and work with it instead of fight against it requires a new mental framework.
Not Alone: I haven't found any other "content" or body of work that speaks to me and my current struggles so directly and comprehensively.
20. How might the tapestry metaphor extend to systemic issues in mental health recovery beyond individual journeys?
My work, though eventually a tapestry of its own, is part of a larger picture.
Combined with other resources, like therapy, my tapestry of healing becomes another thread in the larger story of an individual's personal journey.
Questions Regarding Trauma
21. How did you first recognize the signs of PTSD and burnout overlapping in your daily life?
First incident of PTSD or anxiety was in 2015 at the Grand Canyon.
By 2016 I realized I was starting to change ... "Little things" were upsetting me more than they should.
This grew and compounded over the remaining years of my career, but I generally “kept it in check.”
The first time I applied the terms “PTSD” or “Burnout” were many months after I retired.
22. What grounding techniques did you use when simple tasks felt like emergencies?
Once revised, this will be Chapter 1 - Notes, Cautions, and Warnings
Notes: Dandelions - Don’t do what can, should, and needs to wait.
Cautions: Big Rocks and Little Rocks - Prioritize. Do the big (important) things first so you have room for the smaller things.
Warnings: Glass Balls and Rubber Balls - If one thing is so important it will “break,” do that.
23. Did therapy play a role in your recovery, and how did it compare to solitude or writing?
Therapy helped a lot. At first, and for a while, simply having someone to talk to (trauma dump) was immensely helpful to deal with the "1950s Operators" (see #30)
Individual therapy is now a more cooperative experience - evaluating wins, examining struggles, and charting paths forward.
I recently started a 12-week small group therapy program called "Military Reboot." It's going well so far and I expect I'll report on this experience at some point.
"Military REBOOT is a 12-week, faith-based, peer-led course that helps veterans, active-duty military and their families heal from service-related trauma."
24. How did losing control over ADHD and autistic masking intensify your trauma?
The highs got higher. Everything that would trigger anxiety would do so at a more significant intensity and rapidity.
When "everything always needs to be done right now," little things that cause small distractions or delays get very frustrating very quickly.
Regarding masking - I never realized how much mental effort I devoted to "masking."
When that mental effort was no longer effective, I simply didn’t know what to do. Being “lost in the fog” intensified everything.
25. What helped you rebuild empathy after feeling overwhelmed by people?
Writing - to gather my thoughts
Understanding my biases - to be less blunt, judgmental, and unapproachable
Recognizing empathy was a goal to seek was a great place to start.
Still a work in progress.
26. How did physical symptoms like weight loss or constant anxiety manifest with your PTSD?
Suddenly everything felt urgent... and stayed that way. Sometimes minutes, sometimes hours.
Hyper-focus (ADHD?)
Hunger is more comfortable than anxiety. I'm currently down about 20 pounds.
27. Have you experienced relapses in your recovery, and how do you handle them?
Some, primarily with anxiety, and typically not too intense or for too many days in a row
I found napping to be worth a shot (and sometimes effective) when I can make it work.
Quick fix - ID any "must do" things, remember the rest can wait - Notes, Cautions, and Warnings
“Bad Day Protocol” typically involves Glass Ball concepts and clearing my schedule. Even "must do" items get dropped if necessary.
Catch up on sleep, when that's possible. One solid night without an alarm clock typically does wonders for me.
28. How has writing about trauma helped process it without retraumatizing yourself?
I may to examine retraumatizing and figure out what that really means to answer this one well.
Perhaps some retraumatizing came out in my writing. If so, I hope that's getting better :)
29. What advice do you have for dealing with family during a mental health spiral?
Empathize: picture what your blunt and judgmental actions look (and feel like) to them
Manage Expectations: You can only expect to receive so much empathy.
30. Did the Theory of Positive Disintegration help you reframe your breakdown as growth?
Yes
The switchboard image (of 1950s telephone operators constantly switching plugs inside my head 24/7) finally makes sense and fits perfectly with TPD.
As the operators finally slow down, I can feel significant growth took place while they were pounding espresso.
More growth is on the horizon.
My Door is Always Open
I would love to hear your thoughts.
If you found any of these questions (or answers) useful or interesting, please let me know. Your insight is valuable and shapes the work that gets created here.
Thank you for stopping by today. I look forward to sharing more with you next Saturday as we travel the road From War to Writing.
Have a pleasant week.
Take care,
- jofty 8^)
Full Disclosure: I generated this list of questions using AI. I fed the Prologue and Introduction chapters into a robot and had it generate questions it thought readers might ask. I specified three categories of reader: “new,” “particularly curious and somewhat intellectual,” and “if they had experienced psychological trauma of some sort.”
When I read the questions, they seemed like solid ones to ask, so I answered them, unedited.
My responses feel like this will lead to more relatable and useful work. I may do something like this again.
If you have questions for me, feel free to reach out. Humans probably ask better questions than robots. :)
