My USAF Retirement Ceremony
Thanks, Wisdom, Promises
When I dusted off my retirement speech notes to prepare this post, I initially felt embarrassed. I remember pouring hours in to that speech and feeling like I truly “left it all on the field” writing it. Yet, the “wisdom” section was weak - a barely legible outline - certainly nothing any of my peers would ever be comfortable handing in as a finished product. I guess I made it work, and I think I only needed one quote in there anyway. :)
Post Highlights
My Thoughts Looking Back
Reflecting on my career last week made me realize it may be a good idea to post about my retirement ceremony here today and I want to take a moment to talk about why. For starters, my retirement ceremony was the first significant event from my story one of our fellow readers mentioned last week. Another reader also commented: “Military traditions also help us remember why we’re “in this together,” and they strengthen our bond with each other.” I agree with that sentiment and I have a bit of a soft spot for pomp and circumstance. I think it is good to discuss military traditions early on at jofty’s Corner and I’m certain we will visit them in other forms down the road.
Additionally, my retirement ceremony is an important part of my story, which is, after all, why I started writing. Devoting a post to reflecting upon how I reflected upon my service at the time I first reflected upon its entirety kinda makes sense. … I think. ;^p
Regarding the significance of this speech: This is in many ways the crowning moment of my career as far as public speaking goes. While certainly not in terms of crowd size1 or rank of individuals present, specifically this was the most important audience of my career - my family.
As I said above, I didn’t manage to fully flesh out the “wisdom” section of my notes so I ‘kinda winged’ that part during the presentation. What I typed below is my best recollection of the sentiment I actually conveyed. I included a copy of the original notes so you can see what I walked in with.
Honestly, I felt the wisdom section was the least important, and that’s probably why I didn’t finish it properly at the time. Even perched behind the podium at the pinnacle of my career, provided freedom to pick my own topics, I preferred not to spend that time pontificating2 to a crowd of my (now previous) peers. Perhaps the picture I intended to paint, or the wisdom I wished to impart was covered well enough by focusing my primary effort on the other two parts of my speech. After all, the Air Force did make sure we were on the receiving end of plenty of pontification during our professional careers. ;p
“The only emotion I wish to convey is ‘gratitude.’”
Without further delay, here’s the speech itself. Afterwards, I’ll follow up with a “report card” as a few thoughts on how I think I’ve done keeping the promises I made.
My Retirement Speech
(Edited from original draft notes for format and clarity)
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I will try to keep this short, but I've waited 24 years for this moment, so please indulge me for a few minutes.3
My speech today covers three topics: Thanks, Wisdom, and Promises
Thanks - My career has filled me with gratitude, and I will express that.
Wisdom - I do not claim to be a wise man, but I will share some personal insight with you today.
Promises - I have a few public promises to make before I leave the podium.
Thanks
To [our host] and the team here for letting us use the space and helping with set-up: Thank you.
Visitors - to everyone attending before a long weekend: Thank you.
Honor Guard - I truly appreciate you starting a long weekend late to support an "old guy". What you do matters. The Honor Guard will activate on my behalf twice, and one of those I won't be around to witness. Both times, you are here for my family, and that matters. Thank you.
My (International) Office Crew - Over the last four years I have watched you demonstrate professionalism, a sense of teamwork, and a constant, acute, mission focus4 on par with (and frequently exceeding that of) some of the best crews I've flown/deployed with. Thank you.
US Team for coordination and support. Without a reliance on your help5, this ceremony wouldn't happen today. Thank you.
My Family: My family is the reason I chose to have this ceremony6. Recognizing their years of service is more important to me than recognizing my own.
To My Daughter: I gave you a single flower after your recent performances in your school play. That was my way of recognizing a few months of your dedication to something you were passionate about, and frankly quite good at. I am incredibly proud of your perseverance, talent, and skill. Today's occasion recognizes 15 years of your sacrifice and service to our country. So - you get a bouquet. :)
«deliver gift, return to podium»
Thank you for your service and sacrifice, which you were born in to and did not choose or volunteer for. I am more thankful for you and your resilience than you can possibly imagine. Thank you.
To My Son: My gift to you is simple and elegant. This is a hand-crafted depiction of the Aircrew Wings I wear on my uniform. Comprised of eclectic watch parts, I hope it reminds you of all the intricate pieces of our lives and how, as chaotic they frequently seem, when put together and arranged with care, they paint a beautiful and meaningful picture of the whole of our lives. Thank you.
To My Wife: How you've put up with me for over two decades is beyond my comprehension. 7,914 days have passed since we married (not like I'm counting...) and you have been tasked with filling in for me in my absence far too many times. Any gift I give you today will pale in significance to what you have given to me and our family over all these years. So, I offer a simple rose to signify the beauty of what you have added to my life and the lives of our children. I couldn't have gotten here today without your steadfast devotion. Thank you.
Wisdom
I feel obligated today to share some piece of insight or wisdom - call it my “main take-away” from 24 years of service. Of all the things I considered to share today as potential nuggets of “wisdom” or some personal perspective from my career, the one thing that kept popping up was a quote I heard somewhere:
“20 years from now, the only people who will remember you worked late are your kids.”7
That quote hit me hard, and I think it’s because I know my work/life balance is out-of-whack.
As Americans in general, certainly in our military, we tend to get so focused on our jobs and careers we often fail to give our time attention to our families. I’ve told my family on more than one occasion that it seems what they get from me is the leftovers after I’ve given the best of me to my job. Our international colleagues generally seem to do a much better job at this than we do, and it has been good for me to watch and learn.
«At this point I believe I trailed off for a moment about some of the life events my family enjoyed without me, like my son’s first steps, him winning his pack’s pinewood derby, etc… then I quickly wrapped up this section, and moved on to Promises»
Promises
My final thought today is about promises.
I believe the purpose of this ceremony is primarily for my family. Recognizing my service in this way acknowledges their service and sacrifice as much as my own. After all, we are making this huge transition together.
As a matter of fact, the phrase: "We'll all get through this together" became a family mantra before our last move. I think it is only fitting to wrap up my comments today by addressing them directly.
To my family:
My Daughter - You've grown up with a father who was frequently physically or mentally absent due to "mission requirements." I cannot fault you if you found me "unreliable." It has been a real joy over these last couple months to feel like we're finally building the connections we should have been building for years.
I promise you: I will be available for you at every time you need me.
I've been so mission focused your entire life that you have not been able to rely on me as you should have.
That time is over.
I look forward to becoming the stable and reliable part of your life I should have been since the day you were born.
My Son - I will echo the promise I just made to your sister -- I will be here for you. But I will add one more thought. As you embark upon your journey into adulthood and begin to chart your own course in life, I have to say you have very intriguing ideas and I am excited to see where you go next.
I also believe you need a steady point of reference to judge where you came from so you can better determine where you are going. Though I have done my best to be that reference for you as you grew up, I have failed to achieve that goal. To address that,
I promise you: I will listen to your ideas and I will be a reliable sounding-board.
I've been so mission focused your entire life and certainly the last few years that you have not been able to rely on me as you should have.
That time is over.
I look forward to being a reliable sounding board for all your future endeavors.
My Wife - I truly believe you saved my life.
When I met you I needed an "anchor point" - a purpose and reason to become a better person. You gave me that. You gave me that at a time when I needed it most. You accepted me as who I was, and still gave me the freedom to be me. You have always continued to do that, and for over 22 years you have been the binding thread that has kept our family together through all the times I simply couldn't be with you or our family.
Of all the gifts you have given me and our family over the years, the greatest gift is companionship. You have always made me keenly aware of the fact that I am not alone. I fear I have not done the same for you. We are a team, and we always will be. So ...
I promise you: I will never take another job or commitment that makes you feel alone. I will actively avoid any endeavor that shakes your faith in my devotion to our shared cause.
We have spent most of our lives together focusing on surviving.
That time is over.
I look forward to focusing on thriving.
Thank you all for being here to commemorate this special occasion for me and for my family. I truly appreciate your time and attention.
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Three Promises - 18 Months Later
My report card isn’t great, but I think I can keep striving for better. My promises were public, so I believe my “report cards” should be as well. Here’s my quick take after writing the rest of this article:
My Daughter: Fair to middlin’… Maybe C+/B-. There have been at least a couple (probably more) times that I was not there for her when she needed me. I could say I was unable to do so because of PTSD, but that’s a deep enough topic that stating this sounds like a cop-out to me, or at least, I can imagine how it easily could to many people. What I am fairly certain of is that I am trying, having some success and failures, and my daughter is as understanding as I could hope.
My Son: Sub-Par, C-/D+ — I’m also working on this, and I believe, starting to get better. Oddly enough, it is very difficult to be a proper sounding board for him when I am always stuck in my own head. I once hit overload trying so hard to listen, and failing, I told him “I’m trying hard to listen, but please don’t make me anymore.” Big lesson learned here: “Know your limits” applies to mental health and personal capabilities as well.
My Wife: 100% success at the words, general failure to meet my intent. I think I’ve done a great job avoiding any endeavors that make her feel alone, but I am certain I have made her feel alone while working through my struggles this year. I do hope, and believe, that I’ve been pretty solid on the “devotion to our shared cause” part.
Riddled with invisible wounds was not how I pictured myself walking away from the service. I thought taking off my uniform would take an enormous weight off my shoulders, which it did, but… that’s not exactly how it actually worked. The true journey I was about to undertake was nothing like I expected.8
All that said, I am able to write this now because much healing has taken place, and I feel I am once again speaking, not from a position of strength, but from an upright and standing one. One thing I need to always keep in mind is that my family has stayed with me through all this, and that is a blessing I should cherish.
Thank you again for being here. I look forward to sharing more with you next Saturday.
-jofty
Quick Poll
Before you go, here’s a chance to help choose next week’s article. Let me know what headline seems most interesting to you for a Saturday feature! 8^)
If you want to vote privately or have another idea, message jofty directly here:
Nope. No crowd size discussion here. ;p
I wrote the following note as a reminder in case the crowd needed a tired, old, hokey joke to wake up. As I recall, this was unnecessary and I thankfully skipped it.
Pull out out-processing paperwork and set a light tone.
“We should get you of here before dinner time...
Don’t worry, that’s just my out-processing paperwork."I remember giving those words some particular deliberation: constant, acute, mission focus. Looking back now almost two years removed from my last shift and I can say without hesitation those words were well chosen. It was rare in my career to be part of a team even close to their level on all three at the same time. With a slightly better understanding now of how living in that bubble for several years likely impacted my attempt to assimilate to civilian life, I think I may bring this up the next time I see my therapist. (I did, btw) ;p
When members retire from the service their coworkers generally help out with a large portion of the coordination required for a proper retirement ceremony. My boss and many of my teammates stepped up big time and my ceremony simply would not have happened without their significant support.
As far as I could determine at the time, retirement ceremonies are completely optional and fully at the discretion of the retiring member as to if one is conducted or not. (They also may vary widely from branch to branch «no silly whistles for USAF ceremonies» so my understanding in this case may be very branch specific) The event program itself is also largely at the discretion of the member with many guidelines, several very strong suggestions, and a couple guardrails. With everything going on in our lives at the time, I very seriously considered forgoing the retirement ceremony altogether. I imagine there are social/professional circles where they are 100% expected, but in my experience as an enlisted guy, I would give it a coin toss as to if someone chose to have one or not. I attended five or six in my career, two of which were particularly memorable for former crew mates of The Original Crew 3 - which is a story for another time. :)
My daughter and I agreed an image of a broken wing would be appropriate symbolism for this article about my retirement ceremony. Her rendition of that image was more powerful than I anticipated.
Read more about my life, career, and post-retirement journey in my first post:
what missives lie within?
I don't know exactly what this will be, but I will start by telling my story. If you find it interesting, perhaps I'll continue for a while. 8^P
"Devoting a post to reflecting upon how I reflected upon my service at the time I first reflected upon its entirety kinda makes sense. … I think. ;^p" - LOL, this cracked me up!
Still superb and moving, jofty, your speech.. it may not be short on wisdom after all. It's peppered with wisdom throughout, perhaps just not in the "wisdom section." And I can't think of a tougher speech to write than one for retirement!