What are Empathy and Stoicism? Can understanding them aid recovery from military service? Can they help with PTSD or other trauma? Where do they belong and how do they matter in modern society?
So many things I truly appreciated in this post...especially your story of feeling jealous -- over how a person could stay calm in what could be a frustrating situation (it would be for me!). I commend you on being honest and asking, "What are these feelings telling me?"
My attention is always being pulled in multiple directions as if I were swimming in a society built on that model. If I am not careful, I end up exhausted at the end of the day. So tired. And then I remember that my human brain has not evolved to handle such high levels of stimuli and/or information. On top of that, I'm awful at multi-tasking anyway.
It's interesting how you can tap into empathy or stoicism "modes?" when you feel you need one or the other. What do you think led you to these two concepts? Instinct, intelligence, emotion, or a combination?
Your comments about how empathy might not be the best thing for a soldier to practice ring true; we see and hear violent and disturbing things, and we have to shield ourselves, use dark humor, enter into denial, etc. But losing one's humanity is a *serious* question and one in need of exploration - especially for those who are serving or who have served in the military.
Here is a clip from a semi-well-known movie that I've been thinking about as I read your posts - in homage to all the perfect selections you've embedded throughout. Peace.
You know... I don't know when or if I've ever bothered to take the time to deliberately ask myself "what are these feelings telling me?" Certainly not about something as trivial as one phone call almost two years ago. But the thing is, I don't handle cognitive dissonance well, and I can never make my brain shut up. So when I finally get around to actually thinking about something like that, I just have to figure it out before I can move on.
I also agree 100% with your assessment that we are not physiologically evolved enough to handle the stimuli we saturate ourselves with every day. I think our busy lives are primarily overflowing with information and "urgency" because of our technology. This topic alone is worth libraries full of thought on how we should adapt to this saturated environment and the technology we are unleashing upon ourselves. For now I'll say I am very curious to see what kind of technology restrictions become commonplace or "common sense" parenting techniques over the next few years.
As for your question on tapping in to empathy or stoicism "modes" ... I'm not sure exactly what you mean, but I may be attempting to address that on Saturday. I am trying to understand empathy as perhaps a motivation to trigger simple stoic mantras or concepts, if that's a type of partial answer. I feel this article above on Stoicism left the Empathy part woefully unfinished. In a nod to my cognitive dissonance reference above, I left too many things unresolved so I already have 1,200 words "on paper" for Empathy on 21 December. ;p If you'd like to clarify your question, please feel free. :)
To your point, here are 3 quick vague thoughts I may explore:
Instinct: Nature: Survival is better in groups | Nurture (kindergarten "play nice with others") helps because we're stubborn and selfish. (Baseline Empathy?)
Emotion: Only requires deliberate thought when 'filters' get dirty, or broken, or lost. (Stoicism?)
Intelligence: A beautiful tool we _can_ use to clean, fix, or replace said filters. (Self Actualization?)
As for losing one's humanity ... that is indeed a *serious* question in need of exploration. I don't think we've gone too far down that road here yet, but I'd wager the stories I've shared probably shed some light on it. Perhaps my stories depict what that path _can_ look like when we are forced to shield ourselves slowly over time in addition to directly from kinetic battlefield exposure. Those topics are certainly on the table here at this Substack and I wouldn't be surprised if we venture into that realm at some point.
I imagine there are many books written about it, maybe even some from those who recovered from it or the brink of it. If I were to look, I would probably start with P.O.W. or survival stories. (If anyone would like to share links or stories with that perspective, feel free to do so - they are certainly in line with the conversation.) Since we moved here we've always flown two flags on our mailbox - an American flag and a POW/MIA flag. Memories from a couple weeks of survival school almost 25 years ago are as fresh now as they were as an A1C.
I'm also glad to hear you appreciate my pop culture references. You found a chillingly appropriate gem from the dustbin of 'obscurity.' ;p
I appreciate a lot of what you're unpacking here. I've been exploring my own inner world recently, and it can be tough. I'm finding that as a man in today's society it's especially challenging to work through my emotions, considering the role society tends to place on us (men don't cry, displaying emotion is a weakness, etc.). Thank you for having the courage to publicly explore your inner challenges, and I wish you the best.
Thank you, Jesse. I'm glad to hear you appreciate some of what I'm laying out here. I think you're right ... society tends to frown on men crying or displaying emotion. I think it kinda does for women as well, to be fair, but perhaps differently. Regardless, it seems clear we all tend to have thoughts and emotions that aren't fit for public consumption -- and that's fine!
I think what I'm starting to discover is that some of those thoughts or emotions we so readily bury in the understandable quest to "play nice with others" do actually need to be acknowledged or addressed occasionally. It seems life doesn't tend to give us the time, or the space to do that with any frequency. Perhaps society doesn't even give us its blessing when we take a break to do so. Well, that doesn't change the fact we need to pause and reflect from time to time.
I wish you the best with your exploration, and a happy holiday season to you and yours! 8^)
So many things I truly appreciated in this post...especially your story of feeling jealous -- over how a person could stay calm in what could be a frustrating situation (it would be for me!). I commend you on being honest and asking, "What are these feelings telling me?"
My attention is always being pulled in multiple directions as if I were swimming in a society built on that model. If I am not careful, I end up exhausted at the end of the day. So tired. And then I remember that my human brain has not evolved to handle such high levels of stimuli and/or information. On top of that, I'm awful at multi-tasking anyway.
It's interesting how you can tap into empathy or stoicism "modes?" when you feel you need one or the other. What do you think led you to these two concepts? Instinct, intelligence, emotion, or a combination?
Your comments about how empathy might not be the best thing for a soldier to practice ring true; we see and hear violent and disturbing things, and we have to shield ourselves, use dark humor, enter into denial, etc. But losing one's humanity is a *serious* question and one in need of exploration - especially for those who are serving or who have served in the military.
Here is a clip from a semi-well-known movie that I've been thinking about as I read your posts - in homage to all the perfect selections you've embedded throughout. Peace.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qiDuHCKSc8
Thank you for your comment, Rachael.
You know... I don't know when or if I've ever bothered to take the time to deliberately ask myself "what are these feelings telling me?" Certainly not about something as trivial as one phone call almost two years ago. But the thing is, I don't handle cognitive dissonance well, and I can never make my brain shut up. So when I finally get around to actually thinking about something like that, I just have to figure it out before I can move on.
I also agree 100% with your assessment that we are not physiologically evolved enough to handle the stimuli we saturate ourselves with every day. I think our busy lives are primarily overflowing with information and "urgency" because of our technology. This topic alone is worth libraries full of thought on how we should adapt to this saturated environment and the technology we are unleashing upon ourselves. For now I'll say I am very curious to see what kind of technology restrictions become commonplace or "common sense" parenting techniques over the next few years.
As for your question on tapping in to empathy or stoicism "modes" ... I'm not sure exactly what you mean, but I may be attempting to address that on Saturday. I am trying to understand empathy as perhaps a motivation to trigger simple stoic mantras or concepts, if that's a type of partial answer. I feel this article above on Stoicism left the Empathy part woefully unfinished. In a nod to my cognitive dissonance reference above, I left too many things unresolved so I already have 1,200 words "on paper" for Empathy on 21 December. ;p If you'd like to clarify your question, please feel free. :)
To your point, here are 3 quick vague thoughts I may explore:
Instinct: Nature: Survival is better in groups | Nurture (kindergarten "play nice with others") helps because we're stubborn and selfish. (Baseline Empathy?)
Emotion: Only requires deliberate thought when 'filters' get dirty, or broken, or lost. (Stoicism?)
Intelligence: A beautiful tool we _can_ use to clean, fix, or replace said filters. (Self Actualization?)
As for losing one's humanity ... that is indeed a *serious* question in need of exploration. I don't think we've gone too far down that road here yet, but I'd wager the stories I've shared probably shed some light on it. Perhaps my stories depict what that path _can_ look like when we are forced to shield ourselves slowly over time in addition to directly from kinetic battlefield exposure. Those topics are certainly on the table here at this Substack and I wouldn't be surprised if we venture into that realm at some point.
I imagine there are many books written about it, maybe even some from those who recovered from it or the brink of it. If I were to look, I would probably start with P.O.W. or survival stories. (If anyone would like to share links or stories with that perspective, feel free to do so - they are certainly in line with the conversation.) Since we moved here we've always flown two flags on our mailbox - an American flag and a POW/MIA flag. Memories from a couple weeks of survival school almost 25 years ago are as fresh now as they were as an A1C.
I'm also glad to hear you appreciate my pop culture references. You found a chillingly appropriate gem from the dustbin of 'obscurity.' ;p
Thanks again for your insight.
Take care 8^)
I appreciate a lot of what you're unpacking here. I've been exploring my own inner world recently, and it can be tough. I'm finding that as a man in today's society it's especially challenging to work through my emotions, considering the role society tends to place on us (men don't cry, displaying emotion is a weakness, etc.). Thank you for having the courage to publicly explore your inner challenges, and I wish you the best.
Thank you, Jesse. I'm glad to hear you appreciate some of what I'm laying out here. I think you're right ... society tends to frown on men crying or displaying emotion. I think it kinda does for women as well, to be fair, but perhaps differently. Regardless, it seems clear we all tend to have thoughts and emotions that aren't fit for public consumption -- and that's fine!
I think what I'm starting to discover is that some of those thoughts or emotions we so readily bury in the understandable quest to "play nice with others" do actually need to be acknowledged or addressed occasionally. It seems life doesn't tend to give us the time, or the space to do that with any frequency. Perhaps society doesn't even give us its blessing when we take a break to do so. Well, that doesn't change the fact we need to pause and reflect from time to time.
I wish you the best with your exploration, and a happy holiday season to you and yours! 8^)
I'll come back to this after some time of reflection...but I wanted to let you know just I saw that Mindful poster at the VA on Friday, LOL.
I had a feeling that poster would be in other places. Thanks for your note. I look forward to your thoughts. :)