Pushing Through vs Resting -- Finding a Balance
The 'just do it' mindset isn't always helpful. We, as a society, don’t have a healthy relationship with rest.
Call it ‘hustle culture,’ capitalism, modern society, or whatever label seems appropriate… we, as a society, don’t have a healthy relationship with rest.
Include impacts from trauma, massive life change, or other high-stress seasons, and that entire equation gets even more complicated and important quickly.
In my last two articles I detailed how I handled a personal need for rest with my second attempt at solitude.
Today I offer a few thoughts on how you can recognize when rest is necessary, give yourself permission to take it, and set conditions to make it possible and effective.
If you have identified you need more rest, or if you struggle to prioritize or protect it, you may find some useful tips below. :)
Pushing Through vs Resting - The Question
Today’s article answers SaveWisdom.org1 Question #334:
How do you find the balance between pushing through adversity and allowing yourself to rest?
Quick answer: By learning to recognize when rest is needed, giving myself permission to take it, and setting conditions to allow it. (Alignment, Priorities, Boundaries)
In my aviation career, “crew rest” was sacred. Years of analysis proved proper rest before operating an aircraft saved lives. Because of that, we generally (with very few exceptions) had 12 hours off duty before a flight. If the military can find ways to justify prioritizing rest, there’s probably something there for us to consider in our own lives as well.
When we don’t properly rest, we often have to endure consequences we don’t expect and don’t want. Everything from fatigue to brain fog to burnout to overwhelm and more, all stem from or are exacerbated by a lack of proper rest.
Though we’re often encouraged to ‘get proper rest,’ modern life makes that a challenge. Cultural factors (often incorrectly) paint resting as weakness, laziness, or escapism. Finding a balance is important and doesn’t come easily or naturally to many of us, particularly in times of significant personal struggle.
There may not be a “right answer” to find a “perfect” balance, but there are some things we can consider to point us in a more effective direction.
Oddly enough, a few tips align with the PBA Framework. :)
Recognize Need — (Alignment)
Call it ‘hustle culture,’ capitalism, modern society, or whatever label seems appropriate… we, as a society, don’t have a healthy relationship with rest. I would even say we don’t clearly recognize what rest is, or when we need it.
“It’s time to regroup, refocus, and retreat to solitude… for a few days.”
We typically think of ‘rest’ as ‘sleep.’ That is partially accurate and getting enough sleep is obviously important, but ‘rest’ can also mean other things.
The military even takes the step of separating rest and sleep in their policies. In the crew rest example above from my aviation experience, we were provided a “12-hour rest opportunity” and they specify “8 (hours) of which are available for sleep.”
In the same document (AFMAN 11-202 Vol 3) they state: “Crew rest cannot begin until after the completion of official duties.” The military was required to leave us alone for 12 hours to ‘rest.’ That was separate from time to sleep.
Resting doesn’t just mean sleep; it sometimes means fewer ‘duties.’
That doesn’t need to be a vacation or retreat to solitude. That can look like letting some dandelions grow.
Rest can also mean time with fewer external inputs, like the never-ending stream of notifications on our favorite devices. Though they seem small, each little ping adds a cognitive load that adds up. Each distraction takes our focus somewhere outside our present moment. That effort alone defies the concept of resting, but noticing the effect of that compounding drain isn’t always easy. Muting our phones for a day can have an illuminating impact on our psyche.
When we include impacts from trauma, massive life change, or other high-stress seasons, proper rest becomes even more important to acquire, and often more difficult to achieve.
If you’re feeling tired or worn out and more sleep isn’t providing the rest you expect, you may have identified a need for a different kind of rest.
When we recognize we have a need for rest, and the popular solution of more sleep isn’t the answer, we may need to ‘give ourselves permission’ to actually unwind a little.
Give Permission — (Priorities)
Identifying our need for rest is a solid first step. In our busy lives, actually getting rest often requires the deliberate act of setting it as a priority. In many cases, that may resemble giving ourselves ‘permission’ to unwind.
“No pushing. The primary goal was to rest, not work.”
As I’ve travelled the road From War to Writing I’ve learned some things I believed most of my life were unhealthy or simply untrue. Somewhere in my life I picked up the idea that if I wasn’t actively focused on taking care of ‘all the things,’ I was somehow failing.
I’ve learned that isn’t healthy.
Rest is an unfortunate necessity.
Rest is for the weak.
You can ‘sleep when you’re dead.’
You’re ‘on duty 24/7.’
Eat when you’re hungry.
Sleep when you’re tired.
Fly when you’re told.
That mindset may be from the military aviation community, but it seems something similar colors our cultural perception regardless of our profession. It also tends to stick with us once we’ve internalized it.
One could argue the value of thinking this way. It has its place. It does help get things done and keep teams on task… but when we’re on healing journeys, that type of thinking is often unhealthy.
That type of always-on-always-moving-forward mentality easily becomes engrained in us over years on the job or simply living our adult lives. It can take deliberate effort and action to fight against it when it no longer serves us, or worse, actively harms us.
Tackling that tendency looks a lot like giving ourselves ‘permission’ to relax.
Regarding my first attempt at solitude, I said:
I thought the human body was hard-wired to enjoy solitude at a cabin in the woods.
Nope.
When we face high stress seasons, overwhelm, anxiety, PTSD, etc… rest stops being natural. It becomes something we need to prioritize and sometimes give ourselves ‘permission’ to enjoy. If we don’t, our bodies and minds will get their rest one way or another, likely in a way and/or at a time we don’t want.
When we want to properly rest, we have to actually allow ourselves to do so.
As simple or silly as that may sound, that mindset shift is harder to accomplish for some of us than I used to think… but it’s important.
Once we’ve given ourselves permission to rest, setting the right conditions by crafting effective boundaries can help us follow through and accomplish our goal.
Set Favorable Conditions — (Boundaries)
Identify what you need to rest from, then set conditions to allow it.
Addressing our need for rest may not be as ‘simple’ as getting extra sleep or ‘going to bed and waking up at the same time every day.’ Managing an early bedtime or shutting off morning alarms for a couple days, though often helpful, isn’t always the ideal solution to ‘get more rest.’
If getting extra sleep is the only technique we use, condition we change, or boundary we set — and if it’s not the right one — we’re unlikely to find the type of relief or success we seek.
Remember, boundaries are like battle lines:
They require strategy. Sleep is not the only way to rest.
We set them to protect our vital interests. When rest becomes key, it deserves a boundary.
We adjust them as the situation dictates. If rest remains elusive, consider different approaches.
With that in mind, here are some things besides sleep we can consider. This short list should give you some ideas of what you can try if you’re looking for additional ways to rest.
Potential Conditions/Boundaries to consider:
When considering “what you need rest from,” it could be many things. Perhaps it’s too many distractions or too frequent ‘stealing’ of focus. It could be trying to do too many things at once. It could be trying to do too much by yourself.
Mute your phone — We don’t always have the luxury to silence our phones, but we often do. If you generally leave your notifications on and check them frequently or as they come in, consider turning them off for an evening or a day. In my experience, the lack of notifications caused a little unease or discomfort at first; however, a silent phone has become a key piece of maintaining a measure of personal mental rest.
Postpone a non-urgent task that can wait and was causing stress — Referred to as ‘dandelions’ here, these types of tasks often create a mental drain and hinder mental rest. Worrying about something as if it’s urgent, when it actually isn’t, doesn’t help.
Ask for help — Along with ‘hustle culture’ often comes the idea that we need to take care of ‘everything’ ourselves. If that’s you, consider asking for help with something you might normally just push through. I’ve written about doing the dishes and how simply asking for help reduced my mental load significantly. My family was willing to help, but generally didn’t, because dishes were always ‘my job.’ When that task became a surprising challenge for me on my healing journey, simply expressing my need for help eased a lot of stress, and even helped me rest better.
Determining your needs for rest will help you set favorable conditions (and boundaries) to get more of it.
If the specific items on this list don’t seem effective or just aren’t for you, try this:
Consider what nags at you… what drains you… what feels mis-aligned… what feels like it is taking more from you than it should… what is preventing proper rest.
That is where you will find conditions to improve or boundaries to pursue.
If there’s a way in that situation to improve or modify conditions, even slightly, consider giving it a shot. As cliche’ as it sounds, small adjustments compound over time.
Wrap
There is no “best answer” for how to determine the ideal balance between “pushing harder” and resting. Finding that balance is a unique task for each one of us, and these tips can help:
Recognize your need for rest. It’s surprisingly easy to ‘just keep pushing through’ and not notice when we’re stretching beyond our limits.
Give yourself permission to rest. When we’re programmed to think resting is somehow ‘wrong,’ a deliberate mindset shift may be necessary to unwind.
Set favorable conditions to rest. Boundaries, big or small, are particularly helpful when they’re strategic, targeted, and adjusted as needed.
With an eye on these three things, I hope you find a bit more of that elusive rest you have been seeking.
Thank you for reading! If you have any questions, please leave a comment below or reach out with a DM. I am happy to provide extra context or answer any questions you have.
Until next Saturday, I wish you a pleasant week.
Yours, from war to writing,
— Terry 8^)
Thoughts on SaveWisdom.Org
We’re trying something a little different today.
I’ve mentioned SaveWisdom.org before but haven’t tied it into my work much yet. Today’s missive is an answer to a selected question from their list.
Here’s their mission statement:
The Save Wisdom Project at SaveWisdom.org is dedicated to the preservation and safeguarding of human knowledge and wisdom. We believe that every individual possesses wisdom of value, regardless of their age or position in life. Our mission is to empower individuals to record their personal experiences and insights through secure, offline audio recording devices. By answering up to 1000 questions in their own voice, each person creates a unique treasure for themselves and their loved ones.
Though I don’t always follow the specific intended format of using “offline audio recording devices,” the project concept was the main driver for including voiceovers with all my articles. If you listen to my article voiceovers, you can thank savewisdom.org in part for them.
If you find this project interesting, I encourage you to consider saving your wisdom in whatever manner you find most aligned. 8^)
Excellent, great writing.