Empathy and Curiosity - Lessons from a Week on the Road

Highway therapy, high quality conversations, and AirBnB hosts.

Road Construction 🦺 on my trip and in my head. Photo credit: me.

Hello again from the road - this time from a Dairy Queen somewhere in Ohio. :)

I started here by saying I would share my story, so this week I chose to recap some of my experiences from the last few days. While in many ways it was “just another road trip,” this one was different.

After writing here, my thinking has changed drastically. Taking the time to organize my thoughts, dig in to stoicism and empathy, and write about being authentic, has already impacted the way I interact with people, and the world. It kinda feels like road construction in my head. 🤔Hopefully something better is being built. 🙂

This week has been an interesting part of my story, and some visible progress is being made. What follows are a few thoughts about what I’ve learned from writing here and how it impacted me in a positive way on my road trip.

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Highway Therapy

I’ve enjoyed road trips most of my life. Not so much as a kid, but if the Gameboy had been invented a few years earlier I probably would have loved ‘em. As an adult, there’s just something about being on the open road that calls to me and relaxes me.

Maybe it’s the unknown around the corner. Maybe it’s the speed. Perhaps it’s the very real sense of control. I can’t help but wonder if it’s the odd balance of required attention and focus with the freedom to allow my mind to wander. Perhaps I enjoy putting the “old” behind me and seeking “new.” 🤷‍♂️

Regardless, I generally love the open road.

This week I had about 1,000 miles of quality highway therapy. While I didn’t do much writing (certainly not while driving!) I did have an entirely new set of ideas to mull around in my head while rolling down the road.

This week it felt like my highway therapy was fueled by more positive thought than any time recently, so I’ll call that a big win.

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Quality Conversations

At several places along my journey, I found quality conversations.

First I met up with an old friend and realized I had a new perspective. We’re still the same people we’ve always been, but I arrived with a self-awareness I’ve never experienced. Our conversation felt more real. It’s not that they’ve been fake or only surface level before, but this time I felt more open to listening to actually listen. I still talked too much, but I think I did better than usual. Walking away from that interaction I felt, perhaps for the first time ever, or certainly in a long while, that I actually strengthened a friendship rather than simply hung out and caught up.

Curiosity helped. I was genuinely curious to hear how things have been and catch up on the twists and turns of life. Not only did curiosity allow me to ask better questions and connect better, but it gave me the self-control to shut up and listen more. I’m pretty sure this was good for both of us. :)

When I arrived at my destination for the week, conversation there was even more enriching than I’ve come to expect. These friends of mine have been friends of the family since before I was born. After my mother passed away I found their house to be my home-away-from-home. I’ve spent a lot of time over the years sitting at their table and enjoying many rousing chats, but …

… this time was different.

I was able to listen better. I was able to understand their perspectives in ways I couldn’t before. Their wisdom and advice was more effective because I was more prepared to receive their perspective. This short journey of self-reflection on Substack has already given me tools for life I didn’t know I was missing.

Shutting up and listening with authentic curiosity seemed to be helpful.

Those five short days flew by in a blink, but I feel they were more enriching than any visit I’ve made before. I was able to leave without the typical regret of feeling important things were left unsaid. I usually leave feeling like I failed to hear their thoughts because I was too busy talking and telling my own story. I’m workin’ on it, and I think I did better this time.  :)

My final quality conversation was with my AirBnB hosts last night.

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AirBnB Hosts

I’ve become a big fan of AirBnB over the last several years. While I typically like to book stays in standalone properties, this time I chose to go out of my comfort zone and stay in a spare room with a host family.

I’m glad I did.

This would not have worked six months ago. That experience would have been unnecessarily stressful and pretty much 100% my fault … and I may not have even recognized it.

The host couple was polite, kind, and thoughtful. They were also new hosts and very keen on making sure I was comfortable and hearing any feedback I had to offer. Frankly, they seemed a lot like how I imagine I would be as an AirBnB host, and how I have treated guests in my house for most of my life.

But they were anxious - as I believe I have been when hosting guests myself.

This wasn’t necessarily “bad,” but their anxiety would have made me self-conscious and nervous had I arrived in the mental state I was burdened with six months ago. While they did an excellent job across the board, my recent self-reflection and new, more relaxed perspective was what allowed me to roll with their demeanor and make it an overall positive experience.

Applying empathy, being curious, and listening were simple and effective.

I could empathize with them for having a stranger in their house. Even with the protections of AirBnB, I understand there are plenty of reasons to be a little on-edge when a strange person is in your home.  I know I’m a decent guy … they don’t.  ;p

Being curious about their perspectives, their story, their lives, allowed me to actively listen and ask engaging questions. I didn’t have to make random small-talk just to try to get along. Listening with curiosity made that easier. Commenting on their collections and decor made it simple.

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Final Thoughts

I took this short road trip to clear my head and take a quick break from my normal life. I’m glad I did.

Sometimes taking a short break from the routine can be good for the soul.

It is rewarding to see things I write about have a palpable positive impact on my life, and by extension, the lives of those around me.

I hope you find some of my writing and perspective helpful for you on occasion as well. :)

Thank you for reading. I look forward to seeing you next Saturday.

Take care,

- jofty  8^)