Chapter 1: Stop The Spiral - "I Let My Dandelions Grow"

A Note, Caution, and Warning for the Easily Distracted, Task Saturated, or Chronically Overwhelmed

Terry Duke

Sep 20, 2025

Article voiceover

1×

0:00

-17:25

“From War to Writing” is a story of healing and recovery, of climbing out of a downward spiral of distraction, stress, and chronic overwhelm.

This is my first book and is a work in progress. All feedback is welcome.

Prologue: My First Attempt at Solitude
Introduction: Weaving a Tapestry of Healing from Curiosities in the Chaos
Table of Contents - From War to Writing

Chapter 1: Stop The Spiral

WHEN LIFE GETS INTENSE, and pushes (or exceeds) our limits daily, finding footing can become our most elusive, yet most important goal.

When we’re constantly overwhelmed, figuring out where to start can be a challenge on its own.

Shifting from 'surviving' to 'thriving' isn't easy, and major life changes and challenges sometimes require uncommon tools for success.

As we begin our journey along the road From War to Writing, we will highlight three tools I found most useful to stop the spiral.

When I stopped my spiral, the most predictable and recurring challenge I faced was something I used to consider a strength: Task Prioritization.

Planning still worked fairly well, but my in-the-moment responses to stress became muddled, difficult to manage, and often inconsistent with my goals.

I tried to address that by adding additional structure to my day. After experimenting with different morning routines and a few rigid daily schedules, those proved ineffective. The structure I knew and craved no longer worked.

Grounding techniques like box breathing and the 54321 method were helpful to reclaim moments and manage stress, but they still weren’t enough.

I found my solution by adapting the concept of Notes, Cautions, and Warnings from my aircrew days.

Notes, Cautions, and Warnings

As a career aviator, I was trained (indoctrinated?) to think in terms of using checklists. They don’t just tell us what to do. Predictable routines help regulate our central nervous system and help manage stress in many ways.

When I retired from the Air Force, I thought organizing my daily life with thorough checklists would help me stay productive and keep things in order.

For some reason, that didn’t work for me.

The daily checklists, even ones I made with my goals in mind, felt constricting and stifling. The ease and calm from predictability did not arrive like I expected.

Eventually I realized I was thinking too big.

I didn’t need to structure a morning or an entire day. I was in a place I needed to establish proper emergency responses.

My main battle to stop the spiral would be fought by handling individual moments.

As humans, in times of emergencies we tend to "fall back on our training."

In many professions, emphasis is placed on training emergency procedures. In the aircrew world, Notes, Cautions, Warnings are the checklist concepts designed to address critical moments and safety concerns.

After much trail-and-error, I found my training and experience in aircrew emergency situations to be the most effective metaphor to stop the spiral.

The image below provides a good idea of the increasing level of seriousness or severity for these terms.

Note: Important - Keep this in mind and apply early and often as needed.

Caution: Vital - Pay attention. When this applies, focus. If possible, step back, breathe, and reevaluate.

Warning: Emergency / Absolutely Critical - Break glass in case of emergency. Focus on #1 priority only.

These tools are helpful, but it is important to know why, when and how to use them. In this chapter I will explain the tools and highlight five things about each:

why they exist.
when each is required
how to apply them
personal examples

One more note: All of these techniques can and should also be applied as planning tools. Though we will discuss them primarily as reactionary measures, application in planning to avoid predictable pitfalls is also effective.

Note: I let my Dandelions Grow

Just before I stopped the spiral, my therapist said: “I let my dandelions grow.”

It changed my life.

The simple little flowers growing around my house always seemed to taunt me. No matter what I did, they always needed my attention… or so I thought. Their constant spread was impacting my calm because I simply couldn’t keep up, and I felt it was absolutely necessary to do so.

I was wrong.

When I gave myself permission to let them grow (a little) my overall stress and anxiety level dropped significantly.

Why: Everything doesn’t always need to be done all at once. Perfection isn’t possible. Striving for it can be unhealthy. Even the Air Force strives for ‘Excellence’ not ‘Perfection.’

Perfectionism means finding fault easily … not always expecting everything to be perfect.

When: When your to-do list keeps growing every day. When you constantly notice things that “need to be done now.” When it feels like everything needs to be done all at once.

How: Pause. Breathe. Remember some things things that can wait, should wait.

Let your “dandelions” grow.

Personal Example:

It was early spring and everyone was excited. I wasn't. With spring comes yard work. Yard work means more daily responsibility. Yard work turns in to early mornings, physical labor, and sweat. Sure, most of these are good and healthy things... but that doesn't mean I have to like them.

I was starting spring work around the garden, but the dandelions were killin' me. I wasn't ready for the extra responsibility.

If I let those little things grow they would spread seeds the next day and it would just get worse and snowball from there. The yard was 'perfect' and I felt it was my duty to keep it that way, always. Every little dandelion was one more task I saw as an emergency. That became unhealthy.

Dandelions and weeds. Sweep around the cat bowls. Rake a garden bed. Fix the car visor. Update the budget. Empty the dishwasher. All of these things are important and would be done proactively in a perfect world…

But none of them are typically urgent.

All have their time and place.

When I realized it was okay to just let the dandelions grow, sometimes, an enormous weight lifted off my shoulders. Finding ways to apply that mindset to other areas of my life has been a fun challenge. Even limited success has been quite liberating.

Bottom Line: Recognize your limits and remember: some things can wait.

Caution: Big Rocks, Little Rocks, and Sand

Through most of my career, this metaphor saw frequent use as a planning and organizing tool.

When I stopped the spiral, this technique was more effective to use in-the-moment. Chronic stress made staying on task and sticking to my daily plan a monumental challenge. Deliberately refocusing on ‘big rocks’ helped keep me on track.

When I felt pulled in too many directions and tried to do too many “top priorities” at the same time, something had to give. When letting my dandelions grow didn’t get the job done, this technique was step two.

Why: To accomplish your goals, you have to prioritize. Big Rocks first.

When: When your mind drags you away from your current or most important task. When you feel overwhelmed with too much to do, too much to pay attention to, or too many ‘plates to spin.’

How: Pause. Breathe. Identify the “big rocks” or most important task(s.) Do those first.

Confirm you are focused in on the most urgent task(s) and redirect if necessary. If you struggle to get on task or stay on target, repeat to yourself: “Big rocks… Big rocks…”

Technique: Picture a clear, empty glass jar. Beside it you see a few big rocks, a small pile of little rocks, and a bowl of sand. These represent things to do, or tasks. Your goal is to make all of them fit in the jar - or, accomplish all your tasks - or, “do all the things.”

As you picture the different ways to fill the jar you realize only one way works. If you pour in the sand first, there’s no way the rocks will fit since the bottom of the jar fills up. If you put the little rocks in first, only a couple big rocks fit, but the sand pours in around the little rocks just fine. If you put the big rocks in first, the little rocks nestle in neatly among them, and the sand paints a picture as it fills in all the cracks - and everything fits.

Big Rocks are your urgent and most important things in life. Care for these first. Think: family, job, your health, a roof over your head and food on your table.

Little Rocks are the important but less urgent things in your life. Think: household chores, yard work, running errands.

Sand is the fun stuff, the “nice-to-dos,” or things that can clearly wait. More important things (big rocks and little rocks) may not fit in your life if you spend too much time playing with the sand first. Things that can wait, should wait. Those belong here. They might be dandelions.

Personal Examples:

In my USAF career, my first day back from leave was always incredibly stressful. Like clockwork, even when I took care of everything in my ‘airspace’ before I left, ‘Big Blue’ predictably had a pile of work waiting for me before I could load my email. Often, this was overwhelming and most of day one was spent prioritizing what to tackle and in which order. Once I learned this technique, the first day back at work became much more manageable.

While stopping the spiral, I found myself giving frequent internal “big rock” reminders before lunch time. On good days it was because I was productive early and ran out of “big rocks” on my to-do-list. Most days I needed to actively refocus several times because I kept getting distracted by things that weren’t the big rocks.

Once I embraced this technique, “Big rocks, Terry” became a comforting and effective personal mantra. It helped me navigate countless moments of feeling overwhelmed and task saturated.

Bottom Line: Take care of the “big rocks” first so everything else can fit.

Warning: Glass Balls and Rubber Balls

This technique can be pictured as an oxygen mask or a fire extinguisher. You put on your own oxygen mask first so you can help others on an airplane. You don’t use a fire extinguisher unless it’s absolutely necessary.

Like warnings on aircrew checklists, this technique should be reserved for the most extreme cases.

The “Glass Ball” concept helped me at the deepest points of my struggle. When I stopped the spiral and started climbing back up, this came in handy a few times.

That being said… this technique can be a bit messy depending on where and when you use it. Like an oxygen mask or a fire extinguisher, it may confuse or concern those around you if they don’t share (or see) your reason to use them.

If you add this to your toolbox, I hope it remains at the ready, but rarely needed.

Why: You can’t accomplish everything. Do the most important thing first. Sometimes, do ONLY the most important thing.

When: When you are overwhelmed. When the ‘walls are closing in.’ When a panic attack is on the horizon. When the bullets are flying over your head and all you want to do is find cover… sometimes you retreat to fight again another day.

How: Pause. Breathe. Identify what is truly the #1 most important thing now. Do that. Do only that until it is done.

Technique: Picture yourself surrounded by chaos. You’re in a room like a racquetball court. Rubber balls are being thrown in and are bouncing all over the place.

Your goal is to catch all the balls and put them in baskets in the corner of the room.

But there’s a catch… Seemingly at random, someone tosses out a glass ball.

The glass ball is the most important. You need to take it to safety before you do anything else.

Rubber balls bounce. If you miss them the first time, you can go back and get them on the rebound.

Glass balls shatter. When you see a glass ball you have to catch it and carry it to safety. Drop the rubber ball, catch the glass one, and carry it it safety. It’s yours and it’s fragile.

Personal Examples:

A common example may be waking up late for work. Once the realization hits that you need to get out the door, that becomes your glass ball. Pretty much everything else is instantly a rubber ball.

If you’re driving down the road, it’s raining, and traffic is crazy, focusing on the road may move from ‘Big Rock’ to a ‘Glass Ball.’ The kids arguing in the back seat may move from ‘Little Rock’ or ‘Dandelion’ to ‘Rubber Ball.’

In the deeper struggles along our healing journeys, more intense examples may pop up. For me, they sometimes hit in the form of grocery stores, restaurants, and concerts.

Though never a challenge for the first 40+ years of my life, during my healing journey these seemingly simple locations and events came to embody the “Glass Ball” concept. On a few occasions the internal mental chaos got so intense I simply had to walk out of the store, restaurant, or concert. In those intense moments, my “Glass Ball” action was walking outside to reduce sensory input and get a breath of fresh air.

The big take-away here is that you can’t always do everything.

Sometimes there is only one thing you are capable of doing, or only one thing that truly needs to be done.

When those times come, identify the glass ball, and treat it with the care the fragile moment deserves.

Bottom Line: Recognize your limits and remember: sometimes you can only do the single most important thing… and everything else has to wait.

Next Week

Thank you for stopping by today! I hope you find some of these tools useful for your journey. If you have questions or comments, please leave a note below.

jofty's Corner

Discussion about this post